Beef Pot Roast

here's what you'll need

Tools:
  • Bigass pot (oven safe!)
  • Stovetop
  • Oven
Ingredients:
  • BEEF (chuck roast)
  • Beef broth (idk, 3 cups???)
  • 2 onions
  • MULTIPLE carrots
  • Perterders
  • Gahhhhlic
  • Couple sprigs fresh rosemary
  • Couple sprigs fresh thyme
  • 1 cup Red, red wine (if u don't have wine, you can use more beef broth it's cool i guess. I GUESS.)
  • oil of some kind
  • Salt n pepper
  • all-purpose flour (OPTIONAL)

let's make this shit

Pot roast. Easy as hell to make. Get a chuck roast on sale and cook it at 275F for 1 hour per pound of meat. Comes out perfect. Below is my full recipe with root veggies, but even if you just make this shit with meat and onion soup mix and beef broth, still cook it at 275F for 1 hour per pound and you will be HAPPY.

STEP 1
Visit the Manager's Special section until you find a chuck roast that's like half off. Because honestly, why would you pay 30 dollars for this chuck? Spend like 14 bucks and eat big for a week. Freeze that shit until you have time to make this.

STEP 2
Get like... Idk, 6 or 7 red potatoes or like... 3 or 4 big Idahoes, idk just get some potatoes. Scrub em. Quarter em.

STEP 3
Grab 2 medium onions and quarter them. One onion is also fine. No onions is not fine wtf is wrong with you

STEP.... what, 4?
Cut 4 or 5 carrots into 2-inchish pieces. Don't bother peeling, but you BETTER goddamn scrub those clean, motherfucker.

STEP 5?
Peel 4 garlic cloves. Actually it's way smarter to just smash them once with the flat of your knife. Then the skin comes right off. Don't bother chopping.

Okay I'm done with steps.

Anyway get your THAWED chuck roast and dry it off good. Salt and pepper the SHIT out of it I'm not even kidding. Season the living shit out of that meat. Optional: You can also dust it with a little flour to give it a nice crust.

Grab a dutch oven or a cast iron dutch oven or a bigass pot with a lid, it doesn't matter as long as you can bake it in the oven safely. Put oil in it on medium-high heat.

Now be patient. If you put anything in that pot before the oil is hot, I will materialize into your kitchen and slap you.

When the oil is hot, drop your onion quarters in. Turn them a couple times just to brown them a little and then remove them a set them aside.

Put the seasoned chuck roast in. SIZZZLLLLE. After a 3 or 4 minutes, try to turn it. You can tell it's ready to turn if it lets go of the pan easily. Brown that shit on all sides. No shortcuts. Yes this involves some balancing against the side of the pot.

Once browned on all sides, take the meat out and set it aside.

Grab 1 cup red wine OR sherry (or beef broth if you want to be boring i guess) and dump it in. Grab a wisk and scrape the bottom of the pan to loosen all the good stuff. You just deglazed a pot. Good shit.

Optional: Want to make a rich gravy for your pot roast? Splash in a little beef broth, and then sift in 2 to 3 tablespoons of flour and stir quickly until it resembles a winey, brothy soup. The sifting part is important. If you don't use a sifter, you'll probably get lumps.

Great job. Put the meat back in the pot.

Dump in the onions, garlic, carrots, potatoes, and a couple sprigs of both thyme and rosemary. Pour in beef broth until it half-covers the roast.

Put a lid on and roast at 275F for 1 hour per pound of meat. So if your chuck is 4 pounds, let it go for 4 hours.

It's done when it's falling apart. Hell to the fuck yeah.

Serve with rice. Or anything. Or by itself. 🤷‍♂️