Homemade Fried Rice

here's what you'll need

  • Bigass skillet. (Or a wok, if you're lucky enough to have one AND a gas or propane heat source that utilizes direct flame)
  • Something to cook the rice in the night before
  • Cooked, day-old rice
  • Oil
  • 3 or 4 eggs
  • Some kind of meat - checken? pork? literally does not matter what. Or you can skip the meat entirely.
  • salt
  • pepper
  • chopped onions
  • chopped carrots
  • sweet peas
  • butter
  • ginger - fresh minced or ground
  • soy sauce
  • teriyaki marinade (the watery salty kind, not the sweet goopy shit) or fish sauce
  • honey or sugar or agave, just something sweet

let's make this shit

Yeah i kinda winged this one. No measurements whatsoever. Eyeballed everything because that's how fried rice works, tbh. You just go for it. No regrets. Enter the great unknown. Be a badass and test your abilities to cook at high speed. Here are the ingredients in order of use and a (very) loose recipe.

Some evening, get 2 cups of rice (jasmine is my fav) and rinse the shit out if it. Then cook it according to the instructions. If you have a rice cooker, even better. Put it in the fridge over night.

Next Day:
Bigass skillet. BIG. This is gonna be a lot of stirring. I would use a wooden spatula or something else good for scraping.

Now, mark my words:


This is really important. You're about to cook this shit so fast.

Turn the heat up to medium high.

Oil. Hey now. Wait til it's hot. Be chill.

Okay when the oil is hot:
Pour in 3 or 4 eggs, beaten, and scramble them like your life depends on it. Cook them very hot and fast and sizzly, and set aside when done.

Oil pan again. Turn that shit up to HIGH. Scary right? It's fine, this is how you make juicy seared meat. Raw chopped up chicken, shrimp, pork, beef, whatever. A pound? Or something???? Salt and pepper. Cook hot and fast, set aside when it looks....cooked.

Oil (i know right).
Throw in chopped onions, carrots, and sweet peas. Idk how much exactly. I just looked at the amount of rice i had and then looked at my veggies and kind of estimated by sight. Again keep that heat up and keep moving shit around so it doesn't burn. Throw in some butter too because what the hell.

When onions look translucent, throw in like a teaspoon of fresh minced ginger IF you have it. It's not required. Yes you can put in a dash of ground ginger if you have it. Whatever.

Okay the moment of truth. Dump in your cold rice. Aww yeah. Mix it up. Keep that heat up and move fast.

Now we're gonna add a buncha soy sauce, maybe some fish sauce or teriyaki if you have it, and a drizzle of honey. Sugar also works if you don't have honey but i prefer honey. Don't overdo it on the honey btw lmao this isn't dessert.

Oh yeah, and if you want this shit to be magical, add a bunch of fresh ground black pepper.

KEEP. THAT. HEAT. UP. Rice should be sizzling like crazy. Stir, move it around. Let it sit a few seconds. Move it around again. You're frying the rice. Parts of the rice and veggies should be getting caramelized.

Add the chicken and egg back in. Cook it some more. Move it around. Never stop moving.

When it looks fucking delicious, taste it. Need more soy sauce? More honey? More salt? This is your chance to add it.

When it looks and tastes done, it's done.